Versuchen Sie Folgendes:
SELECT
t1.id,
IFNULL(COUNT(t2.name), 0) AS refNr
FROM test AS t1
LEFT JOIN test AS t2 ON t1.id = t2.id_user_ref
GROUP BY t1.id;
Das ergibt:
| ID | REFNR |
--------------
| 1 | 2 |
| 2 | 1 |
| 3 | 1 |
| 4 | 0 |
| 5 | 0 |